Who am I?

If you don't know me, my name is Emily Ponczoch. I am 30 years old. I have two beautiful children. A husband who is both handsome and wonderful. We have a dog who sometimes I forget to feed cause as mentioned above...I have two kids. Don't worry he is happy, loved, and could probably benefit from losing a few pounds.  

I am an 8 on the Enneagram. Myers Briggs says that I am an ISFJ. In short I am introverted by nature. I can be quiet and some would say serious. I have a strong sense of justice. I want the world to be black and white. I want there to be clear cut path to success. I want to know where my place is. Where your place is. I want to know that exactly how God operates because then life can be predictable. Underneath all of that is someone who cares about others. All these things matter to me because I care. Some days it may not appear that I do because I am too busy sorting everything out and avoiding emotions that will cause pain. So basically everything in life goes against my desire to have everything controlled. Sounds fun, huh? I am aware that both Enneagram and Myers Briggs have much deeper meaning than this. But it's how I explain my complicated self to those who know me and those who don't.  Have I sold myself to you yet? Well if I haven't lost you completely keep reading....

My sense of order and control came crashing down on August 3, 2016. 

I received a phone call that my oldest brother, Rory Hillman, had died in an accident. 

I have spent the last 4 years (and continue to do so) searching for what answers in my grief. Answers as to who God is to me. Answers to what does death mean? Loss? What does is look like to rebuild oneself after tragedy strikes? What does it mean to try to rebuild when tragedy keeps striking? When you don't feel like you can go on another day.  What do you do when tomorrow is not guaranteed? When the life we want is not promised to us.  

That's what this new blog is. I am by no means an expert in grief. I am whoever an expert in my own grief. In my own journey through the trails of life. I am also not an expert in God, Jesus, or the Holy Spirit. But again I am an expert in my own relationship with them. It is about what I have learned. What I continue to struggle with. What others have taught me.  

I do hope through my writing maybe someone else may find healing. Maybe it will give courage to hear that someone else has felt the same way they have.  

If you want to keep up with a woman's honest journey through the sorrows of this world follow along. 

Location: Hayden, ID, USA

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