Expectation

Often grief is associated with death and only death. How untrue that association is. I often wonder how much damage is done to our hearts when we think we can only grief the loss of a life. 

Grief is the loss of an expectation. The expectation of  how you imagined life to be. Maybe you thought you would work at the same company until you retired and then you get laid off. Maybe you thought your marriage would look differently than it does. Maybe a loved one is taken from you due to death or other life circumstances. Whatever it is we all grief. We all have un dealt with grief. I don't think that grief can be resolved. Grief is not something to be resolved. It's something to be acknowledged. Worked through. Our grief wants to be named. It wants to have the chance to be felt. I believe that grief stays with us in some varying degrees. I will continue those thoughts in a post yet to be written. 

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross created the 5 stages of grief. But unfortunately it was misunderstood. It was understood to be a linear model. That you move from each stage smoothly. That grief has a timeline. Unfortunately it doesn't. Well-intended people will say things like "It's been a year, shouldn't you (fill in the blank). Grief defies logic and timelines. It's personal. It's messy. 

The give "stages" are as followed

• denial.
• anger.
• bargaining.
• depression.
• acceptance.

I have felt all of these things more than once in the last 5 years. I have felt these regarding the same situation. I do not know how many time I have accepted Rory's death to go right back to denial. 

Working through my grief has given me peace and understanding. Understanding of my own process. How I deal with things. As my friend and counselor likes to tell me "Emily, you do not accept things easy. You come along kicking and screaming." She's not wrong. I fight pain. I fight when things aren't how I think they should be. I have a heard time with expectance. But I get there in my own way. And that is okay.  

I guess I would just say that grief is the loss of expectation on top of expecting that loss. See, it's not just a simple thing.